Gig News : Tomorrow, at Wohnzimmer Theater, 8.30pm, in German.

Obviously that doesn't include the spiffy-looking interface to Google maps.  Personally I think it's the best way to display the whereabouts of upcoming gigs without getting too technical.  Google does the lookup, the pretty graphics and the geocoding, and sooner or later I'll be able to put in a search - find the nearest gig etc.  Right now, there doesn't seem much point.

Yes, it still uses tables, but it uses tables the way tables should be used - to construct tabular information such as calendars.

It also uses a simple content management system of my own devising.  I can put up a new page in about ten minutes, and edit the HTML online.  It saves a lot of arsing about with FTP.

I mean, did no-one actually take note of what happened ten years ago?  Remember, the "Millenium Bug" ho ho ho?  Remember what really happened?  I'll tell you what happened.  Nothing, apart from a bunch of chancers with MCSEs (Minesweeper Consultant, Solitaire Expert) made a lot of money "Auditing" the computers of the more gullible, which they promptly invested high-risk investment funds.  Oops.

I think we need a little reminding of the Laws of Human Stupidity.

Especially certain builders in Cologne.

Which is probably why I've never been invited back after my speech at the Girl's Sport College.

Dear Barack Obama,
You must never alarm a llama :
You can harm a llama if you alarm a llama.

I've simplified it, and there's other things that are yet to be added or finalised (particularly the translations), but the main set-up is there, including a rather neat Google interface for gigs. (which will be gradually tweaked).

The blog is still there, and, what's more important, it doesn't break any old links - something a lot of other web redesigns never pay any attention to.

Oh yeah?

I don't know if you've actually watched it, but the Intrepid Inspector Barnaby has to investigate a murder every week, in the county of Midsomer, and whilst he's working out who did it (and, let's face it, there's not that many suspects), several other villagers get knocked off - and this has been going on since 1997!  There's been 71 separate episodes!  That's about 284 slayings!  There's parts of New York have a lower bodycount than that!

Is he not the worst police detective in the world?

Furthermore this takes place in one small county, with several villages.  Now, the average village can't have more than about 50 - 100 people living there at any one time.  Given the fact that 4-5 murders take place every episode, a particularly small village would only be able to take ten episodes worth of murders before everyone in the place has either been topped or nicked, if no-one is moving into the county, although I don't think it's a particularly popular place to live.  I imagine the life insurance rates aren't conducive, although I imagine the property market is probably booming.

The researchers say that they haven't found any affect on behavior, although they suspect that it can cause certain sorts of madness.  Old ladies who own too many cats, for example.  Well, I reckon they've gotten us under mind control already.  You know when a little kitten climbs up your trousers onto your shoulder and sits there going "miaow".  Well, what they're really saying is "Attention puny ape creatures! This is your master speaking!  Obey!  I want you lavish me with succulent titbits!  You will immediately build me a secret headquarters, with furry boxes and rope-covered pipes as first part of my plans for world domination!!"

Of course, they haven't quite worked out to make the parasite stop us from taking them to the vets for the operation.  Or, for that matter, how to operate tin openers.

My Grandmother never really worked, and as a result had no pension of her own.  She did what other women of her age did - married several men and outlived them, then lived off their pensions.

Sadly for her, she suffered greatly with her hip, and had a replacement, even though it was never really the same.  She found it difficult to get to the shops or get round the house.  Going out and having fun was something she just couldn't do any more.

Fortunately for her, technology intervened.

Thanks to technology, she could turn on the television and watch horseracing all afternoon, and fritter away her pension via a short telephone call to the bookies.

We were just glad that she pegged it before internet poker got underway.

2009 was not a great amount of fun.  Progress was hindered, and, unfortunately, occasionally in the wrong direction. 

Hopefully this year will be better.

Now look who's at number three, and who is number one and two.

Now I admit that I do snore.  I recently had the problem that I kept dropping off, and waking myself up as I began to snore.  But Her Maj is a bit of a window-rattler as well.

What is interesting is the number of strange noises that people make in their sleep.  I was up last night, listening, and then she started.  Initially you get the heavy-breathing Darth Vader impression, although sometimes it starts with her making a noise like a sleeping dog chasing rabbits.  It then moves on to a cautious growl, then to the fully fledged snore.  This continues until she gets to the point of snoring, even though no airways are open.  This is always a stressful time, as you wait to see if she's going to start breathing normally or if her head is going to implode.

It hasn't imploded yet.