Raptus Regaliter

Over here, "Midsomer Murders" (although it's entitled "Inspector Barnaby") is quite popular, as Germans believe that it projects a realistic portrayal of English Village life.

Oh yeah?

I don't know if you've actually watched it, but the Intrepid Inspector Barnaby has to investigate a murder every week, in the county of Midsomer, and whilst he's working out who did it (and, let's face it, there's not that many suspects), several other villagers get knocked off - and this has been going on since 1997!  There's been 71 separate episodes!  That's about 284 slayings!  There's parts of New York have a lower bodycount than that!

Is he not the worst police detective in the world?

Furthermore this takes place in one small county, with several villages.  Now, the average village can't have more than about 50 - 100 people living there at any one time.  Given the fact that 4-5 murders take place every episode, a particularly small village would only be able to take ten episodes worth of murders before everyone in the place has either been topped or nicked, if no-one is moving into the county, although I don't think it's a particularly popular place to live.  I imagine the life insurance rates aren't conducive, although I imagine the property market is probably booming.

Proof that Cats are not all they're cracked up to be : our furry feline "friends" are actually bigger fans of mind control than the CIA - cats carry a parasite called toxoplasmosis, which has been proven to cause behavior change in mice.  Once the parasite lodges in the mouse brain, it causes the mouse to become fearless in the face of cats.  The mouse actually seeks out cats, pokes them in the eye and says "Hey, you!  Yes ahm talkin' tae you, Bagpuss!" - It also causes them to speak with scottish accents - "Ah'm gonnae beat the shite outta ye, so what ye fuckin' gonna dae aboot it!  oh shee-"...

The researchers say that they haven't found any affect on behavior, although they suspect that it can cause certain sorts of madness.  Old ladies who own too many cats, for example.  Well, I reckon they've gotten us under mind control already.  You know when a little kitten climbs up your trousers onto your shoulder and sits there going "miaow".  Well, what they're really saying is "Attention puny ape creatures! This is your master speaking!  Obey!  I want you lavish me with succulent titbits!  You will immediately build me a secret headquarters, with furry boxes and rope-covered pipes as first part of my plans for world domination!!"

Of course, they haven't quite worked out to make the parasite stop us from taking them to the vets for the operation.  Or, for that matter, how to operate tin openers.